Why I Stay at Home

disclaimer: this blog entry is a very personal subject matter to me, but I will never presume to tell another mother what her duty to her God and her family is. This is MY experience and these are MY convictions.

Some people KNOW what their calling in life is. For example, Doug knows he is supposed to write and sing music that glorifies God. I have friends who are missionaries. They know they were called to that country to reach those people with the gospel of Jesus Christ. Like them, I know I am called to be a stay at home mom. I have never attempted before to present the many reasons why I am so confident of my current vocation, but I will try.

I wanted to raise my child. From the start, I wanted him to know that he could depend on me to hold him when he cried, to change his diaper when he was dirty, to feed him when he was hungry, and to rock him to sleep when he was tired. There is a very short time window when a mother and child are bound this tightly and I am so grateful that during this time he was only bonding with me (alright, and Dad). I cannot fathom the idea of anyone else spending more time with my baby than me. I believe that God blessed me with the responsibility of guiding my children to be disciples of Christ. I think this would be a difficult task if I wasn't around Jack for the majority of his waking hours. I want to be there for him to read his bible stories, to tell him that Jesus loves him, to put him down for his nap with his praise music, and to make sure he hears me pray for him. I want to be the one to hold him when he is sick, to administer his medication, and to soothe him. I want to be the one to spank him, to teach him, to give him limits, and to disciple him. I didn't miss the milestones. I witnessed when he first held up his head, rolled over, clapped his hands, smiled, and took those precious first steps.

There are sacrifices. In our case, our most obvious sacrifices of having a one income household are the financial ones. Our savings is...wait...what savings? We do have a savings account, but it has taken a big hit and has yet to be replenished. There is very little retirement to speak of and no way of adding to it at this point. There are no vacations. We spend money we don't have just to buy gas to visit family in Texas, usually only during the holidays. Home improvements are nice ideas. The extras: it would be nice to go to the movies with my husband in a theatre more than once a year. It would also be nice to go to a sit down restaurant without feeling guilty or thinking, "I could've bought 2 packs of diapers for the cost of that one meal." It would be nice to give my husband a gift for his birthday, or Christmas, Valentine's Day, Father's Day, or our anniversary. No, we are not destitute or on the brink of foreclosure, but we decided long ago to be a debt free household and this is how tight we have to be at this point in our lives to make that work. I know this doesn't sound very glamorous, but I haven't discussed the benefits of being a stay at home mom.

The Benefits. First of all, my mental sanity was at stake when I was in the work force. I know most people aren't satisfied with their jobs and have aspects they don't like. I am not a rare exception, but I will say this: I experienced a new level of peace when I left all my previous jobs to stay home and fulfill my true calling. I almost felt like I was running from what God wanted me to do all along and when Jack finally arrived, I was in his will. I may be over spiritualizing the experience, but I truly felt peace when I left the traditional workforce.

My family's quality of life and overall health has never been better. When Jack is sleeping, I make an effort to be intentional with my time to catch up on cleaning, laundry, organizing, and meal planning. More importantly, I use that time for my personal bible study and prayer and to take care of myself physically by working out. This year, I had the time and energy to organize a new house, attend a bible study every Wednesday morning, lose weight, and train for and run a marathon. When I was in the workforce, I was usually working two jobs and I would come home from work just wanting to spend time with my husband. I rarely deep cleaned or had laundry caught up and we ate take out more than we cooked. Since I became a stay at home mom, I don't have the stress of trying to fit in housework and we eat the majority of our meals at home. As a result, Doug has lost 3o pounds, and I am down the baby weight plus 14 going on 20. Doug has also confessed to me how much he appreciates and how much lower his stress gets when he comes home to a house that is put together. As far as my personal spiritual growth goes: I have never dived this deep into scripture before. Having the time for in-depth study of words that are God breathed is so refreshing and encouraging. Falling more in love with my saviour is the biggest perk of staying at home. I also have more time and opportunities to serve others as a stay at home mom. I am blessed to serve people now that I never would be able to if I was tied down to a traditional job. As far as Jack's health goes, the kid rarely eats fast food because we rarely do. Also, one of the many reasons why I love my son so much is he is an amazing sleeper. He typically sleeps 12 solid hours at night and still takes a 2-4 hour nap during the day. On Wednesday and Sunday mornings when we go to church, I literally have to wake him up every time. I can't imagine how exhausted he would be if I had to wake him up 6 days a week. I don't worry as much about his exposure to germs either because he is only exposed to other children in the church nursery or on play dates. Jack is a super healthy little boy and I have no way of knowing how he would be if he was in daycare all day. Another perk to staying at home that I don't want to downplay in any way is seeing God work. There are many many stories of God's provision and timing being perfect. From the deal we got on our house, to anonymous gifts from faithful stewards, our God has supplied all our needs.

Another benefit that is so important is perspective. Let's take a look at all those so called sacrifices. First, we sacrifice by having a low savings account. So what?? My missionary friend once told me that they used to love having a large savings account until they were convicted of all the things they could be using the money on to further the kingdom of God. One of my favorite people, Jen Hatmaker, says she is fed up with Christians having money "for emergencies" and that it should be an emergency if you see someone starving. Jen also points out that almost all Americans are in the top 4% of the wealthiest people on earth. Not having a lot of money has forced us to think and pray hard about what we do with the money we do have. It also leaves us dependent on God and his provision. When I start to get discouraged about our finances, I tell myself that God must really love me if he wants me to be this close him. Since we never take real vacations, we have learned to find joy and contentment with just leaving Shawnee. I know that sounds silly, but we get really excited just to drive to Oklahoma City and go to Guitar Center and eat Chick-Fil-A. Sometimes we splurge and drive to Pop's on Route 66. Trips to the zoo, aquariums, museums, and movies are so rare that they are special every time. I will admit that it is harder for me not to buy gifts for Doug on special occasions than to not receive them myself. This makes me especially grateful for the other friends and family members in Doug's life that are at a place where they can spoil him more than I can. It also makes me more aware of how I am showing Doug love daily so I don't feel I have to compensate with a gift later on in the year (I am definitely still growing in this area).

The conclusion

Upon reflection, it is interesting to me that all the "sacrifices" are material and all the benefits are immaterial. It is really convicting for me to see in text what I thought was most important just 2 short years ago. I heard something once that has become very real to me, "if you could do it on your own, it wouldn't require faith." I don't think I would ever want to be in a point in my life where I am living without faith. Sure, I could go back to work tomorrow if I wanted to and then maybe I could buy Doug Guitar Hero for his birthday or we could install hardwood floors or go on a cruise for our anniversary. But Ultimately I am not responsible to God for how comfortable my family is or how nice our vacations were. But I will be responsible one day for what I did daily to live for Christ and serve others. I believe; I know I serve my God and my family and others best by staying at home.

Race Report

I did it! I completed my first marathon. It was a great experience and I fully intend to run another one someday. My official time was 4:13:53 which is an average pace of 9:41 per mile. I placed 227 out of the 1,057 women who completed the race and 858 out of the 2,630 people who ran total. In all the events combined there were about 24,000 runners! The majority of the runners were running the half or the relay. I missed placing in my division by 2 minutes, so I got fourth out of the Fillies. 84 women entered in my division. The average marathon time was 4:42.

Now that the boring stuff is covered, on to the recap: Doug and I arrived in Oklahoma City after leaving Jack in Shawnee with Aunt Tammy and Uncle Jonathan. I wouldn't see him again until the finish line. Our first stop was the expo center where I picked up my timing chip and shirt. Upon leaving the expo center, Doug commented, "I felt fat in there!" After that, I needed to complete my carbo-loading by finding an Italian restaurant, so I called Zio's and asked what the wait was. 2 1/2 hours! No way. So, we went to Olive Garden where there was a 45 minute wait. I told Doug, "the marathon gods must be smiling on me today...wait, it's probably the real God." Our waiter was special and when he found out I was running the marathon, he told us stories about his 18 hour hike in the Grand Canyon and running the mile in the marines in 4:45 and then throwing up. Thanks for sharing, now bring me more bread sticks.

After our dinner we checked into our hotel and I tried to go to sleep around 10. I tossed and turned all night until we got up at 3AM. I know excitement and nervousness got me to the start. After our shuttle dropped us off, we went to First Church near the memorial because they serve a pancake breakfast before the run every year to the marathoners. This is a neat ministry for the church because they can't have services on race day because the route is right outside the church and the road is closed. The volunteers who serve on Sunday have to camp in the church the night before. I ate a Powerbar and Doug mooched the free pancakes and sausage on my behalf.

After awhile we headed to the start. I easily found my pacers as they were holding up yellow balloons with "4:15" written on them. That is the time I wanted to finish in. The announcer was talking about some crazy person who just set a world record by running 600+ miles on the treadmill this week and was running the half marathon with us. Weirdo. Miss America from OK, Lauren Nelson, sang the National Anthem and then we were off. My pacers were amazing from the start. Their names were Ken and Kathryn. This was Kathyrn's 113th marathon! I totally made the right decision following the pacers because I am notorious for starting out too fast. The first 20 miles were almost easy. I was able to talk to the pacers and make comments about the run like, "is there a point to putting on deodorant before a marathon?" The wind really picked up along Lake Hefner at which time Ken and Kathryn told us to run behind them and draft. After we turned to head back, the wind was at our backs.

Some of the highlights on the course was a man yelling, "today you are going to finish a marathon!" It was really great hearing that. Hitting the half way mark was great as well because there was a big banner which read: "You are absolutely half way there." I felt so good at that point. My favorite part of the whole race (besides finishing) was the Gorilla mile. Some nut job that lived in one of the neighborhoods on the course had taped a huge banner across the road that said "Gorilla Mile." The home owner had one of those huge inflatable gorillas that you might see at a car dealership taking up his entire front lawn. If that weren't random enough, there was a sign next to the Gorilla that said, "We have the biggest banana!" Next to the sign was the home owner, dressed in a banana costume dancing and cheering for the runners. I was laughing out loud. My favorite posters of the day included any one that had scripture on it, the one that said, "Go________. You are my hero," and "That's not sweat, it's your fat cells crying!" There was a ton of crowd support along the way.

After mile 20, I was still feeling pretty good so I decided to try to pull away from my pace group. Looking back I probably should have stayed with them a little longer. I ran the last 6 miles by myself. It was hard to stay motivated alone because each mile was harder and harder than the last. It didn't help that on mile 24 (I think) there was a steep hill that was difficult and someone had a sign that read, "make this hill your B-word." Except it didn't say "B-word." After seeing several verses throughout the day, seeing the profanity just annoyed and frustrated me.

It seemed like mile 25 was soooo long. After that point I kept thinking,"one more mile, one more mile, one more mile." The last mile was brutal because it was so curvy you couldn't actually see the finish line. FINALLY, someone yelled, "two stop signs and a right turn and you will see the finish!" I rounded that corner and saw the crowd before I saw the finish line. A little bit further and I saw the finish. I made myself pick up the pace a little because I just wanted to stop running so badly. I felt like I was running in slow motion because I had my eyes glued to the finish and picked up my pace but it didn't feel like I was going anywhere. When I told Doug this later, he said, "like that scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail?" Yes, it was exactly like the scene before they storm the castle. Classic. Near the end, my buddy, Kimberly, stepped out where I could see her and cheered me on. I am so glad my friends were waiting for me.

I finally crossed the finish line and started walking. I can't begin to describe how disoriented I was. A few times I lost my balance and nearly fell over. I grabbed my medal and some food, water and Gatorade, and my finisher's shirt. The first person I saw was my friend Eric, who snapped a picture of me holding my medal and my friend, Erin. I didn't see Doug or Jack for probably 15 minutes as they made their way towards me in the crowd. Doug gave me a big hug (now that's unconditional love right there) and Jack threw a tantrum because we wouldn't let him walk around. Nice. Missed you too, baby boy.

Kim and Mark decided to give us a ride back to the hotel. Before I got in the car, my friends presented me with a trophy! The inscription said: "Super Overachiever Award! Presented to Lori Hurt April 25th, 2010. We are so Proud of You!. DEAJTKMBEAJJJJ." The initials stand for Doug, Eric, Ashley, John, Tasha, Kim, Mark, Ben, Erin, Andrew, John Blake, Jenna, James, and Jack. I was so surprised and touched. My friends love me and I love them.

Overall, I had a great first marathon experience. I don't know when I will be able to run another so this high will have to last me for awhile. I forgot to mention that I ran the race in honor of my friend, Matt Garcia. I ran cross country with Matt in high school in San Antonio. After high school, Matt continued to run long distances, but about 2 years ago he had a stomach virus that basically attacked his body and he was paralyzed. He still is in physical therapy and last I heard, he can stand up on his own but he is still not walking without help. Here is a dude that has every reason to be bitter and mad at life and God, but chooses to have a positive outlook on his situation and is searching for what God is trying to show him through this time. There is so much that I take for granted everyday. April 25th, 2010 I was very aware how blessed I was. I was blessed to be supported by friends and family who loved me, I was blessed to be alive and healthy and running, and blessed above all to be a child of God and therefore I have meaning and purpose in this life even when crazy people decide to bomb buildings and innocent people die. Sometimes it is very easy to get caught up in the day-to-day busyness and forget that we are ultimately responsible to God for what we do with the time we are given. Being finite, we have no idea how much time we have; a car accident, a disease, or an act of terrorism could take us without warning. The memorial marathon is called "the race to remember." I don't think I will ever forget this day.

20 miles with my new Garmin

That's right. I am now the proud owner of a 205 Forerunner Garmin. How did I acquire this highly coveted gadget? The answer is simple: I have been blessed with the most thoughtful awesome friends ever! Our small group buddies all chipped in and bought it for me. I was genuinely surprised and touched. So, guess what I did on Saturday? I strapped on my Garmin for it's maiden voyage; my 20 mile training run. Here is an account how that run went down.

First, my super helpful and gadget savvy brother-in-law helped me map out a 20 mile course which was essentially a 4 mile course that I ran 5 times. The trick was having a course that had sidewalks because some of the route was on busy roads. Second, my little sister was the hero of the day and rode her bike ahead of me the entire run handing me my Gatorade and water as needed. So, we started out. The weather was absolutely gorgeous. It never got too hot and there was just enough wind to provide a nice cool breeze without making progress difficult. Part of the course wound it's way past a stadium where a middle school track meet was in progress. At one point, when we went by, the crowd was cheering loudly at the runners on the track. Tammy turned around and said, "Listen, Lori! They are cheering for you!" My first several miles, I felt great. I hit 13 miles around 2:03 which was exciting.

However, after that, it was harder and harder for me to keep the pace. At mile 16 I actually stopped for a few seconds and may have yelled in exasperation. I guess I hit "the wall." I was determined to make 20 miles though so I forced myself to chill out (I was pretty much freaking out because I was so frustrated) and started moving again. I told myself, "once you hit 18 miles, you will feel great because that is the longest you have ever run." Well, at 18 miles I wanted to just stop. The last 4 miles were so long. I was done. I had no energy. I had done well with the fluid and gel intake so I couldn't understand why it was so hard to finish. At 19.5 miles, I stopped again. Tammy asked, "Are you done?" I had to admit that I still had 1/2 mile to go. She looked at me funny like, "Why did you stop then?" The truth was I couldn't go another step. However, I HAD to get my 20 miles in. I wanted to see that number on my Garmin so badly. I kept thinking about the friends who had bought it for me and they were going to ask how my 20 mile run went and I wanted to give them a good report instead of telling them I didn't finish it. So, I forced my legs to move again and somehow finished that half mile. 20 miles...done! It took 3 hours and 16 minutes.

Doug helped me view my stats later and we discovered that I had an average pace of 9:49 per mile. From peeking at my Garmin, I knew I ran the last 2 miles around 11:30 per mile, so what I learned was that I started out way too fast. Even though I felt great most of the run, 20 miles and later 26.2 is a long way too run and I need to respect the distance. I need to force myself to slow down because what feels great at mile 10 will probably be grueling after mile 20. I think I will try to follow a pacer to make sure I don't do anything crazy in the first few miles. I know I just want to finish the marathon, but the competitor in me wants to finish well. I also feel pressure to do well because I don't know when I will be able to train and compete in a marathon again. My schedule this week begins my taper:

Tuesday: 4 miles

Wednesday: 6 miles

Thursday: 3 miles

Saturday: 8 miles.

I have been pretty sore, from the long run, but this week and next week are light and I should feel refreshed on race day. I told Doug that training for a marathon is like being pregnant: you wait and wait for so long and it seems like the big day will NEVER come. In my case, it really didn't come because Jack was nine days late. I am not saying that receiving my finishers medal will be as significant as holding a new baby, but it is going to be a day I will never forget, I am sure. It will be surreal to be done but I am looking forward for the race and of course, taking it easy for a few weeks afterwards. Please pray for peace for my nerves and for NO WIND!

Training Goof!!!!

So, just 17 days before the marathon, I realized I am a whole week off in my training! I must have counted the weeks wrong when I looked at my training schedule. Now I have to decide if I should cut out the harder or the easier of the two weeks before the marathon. My schedule this week has me running my 20-miler this Saturday, which I will do for sure, but I am not sure what to do next week. I plan on getting plenty of rest the week of the marathon, so I might just go ahead and do the harder week next week since my body has felt great on the long runs. I ran 14.4 miles last Saturday at a 9:20 mile pace. The weather was gorgeous, I had new shoes so I was feeling pretty good. Oklahoma is making me really really nervous right now: the wind has been horrible, horrible, horrible. I am literally praying the wind away for race day. It is the only aspect dampening my spirits when I think of race day. My schedule this week is:

Tuesday: 5 miles

Wednesday: 10 miles

Thursday: 5 miles

Saturday: 20 miles

The 20 mile run will be very interesting considering I will be in Dallas/Fort Worth staying with my sister. At least I know I will have a babysitter. And I may (gasp) run on a treadmill because I won't have time to map out a 20 mile course. If only I had a Garmin.

So, Easter was awesome! I love love love our church. The music was so powerful and the message was right on. My favorite part of the message was when the pastor spoke on the logic of the Christian faith: if the writers of the gospels made up a bunch of stories with the goal of converting people and making up a new religion why are the stories (like the virgin birth and the resurrection from the grave) so hard to believe? If you wanted to trick people, at least make up stories people wouldn't question. Also, at the time the gospels were written, there were still eye witnesses alive who were at the cross and who saw Jesus after he rose. If the stories were fabricated, it would have been very easy for the eye witnesses to come forward and say, "Hey! I was there and that is not what happened!" BUT, there is no account of anyone doing so. As the Apostle Peter says, "We did not follow cleverly invented stories when we told you about the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty" (2 Peter 1:16)

18 miles...done!

I did it. Saturday I ran the farthest I have ever run in my whole life. I had a small hitch in my plans, however, because I was supposed to get up early and that just didn't work out. I tried to open the front door at 4AM to see what the weather was like, and the wind was so strong I had to fight just to get out of the house. I made the decision to run later in the day on the treadmill. I did this for a couple of reasons: I could have just sucked it up and gone for the run despite the 30 mph winds with 50 mph gusts BUT I wouldn't have finished my run in time and made Doug late for his gig. Also, the workout would have been miserable and I wanted a good quality 18 mile run. This run and the 20-miler I will run next week are very important training runs and I wanted them to be good ones. So, my gracious friends watched Jack for over three hours while I went to the gym and ran 18 miles at a 10 minute pace on the treadmill. It took me exactly three hours.

I have been training at 9 minute pace so 10 minute pace almost felt easy (well, until you get past 12, then everything just gets sore no matter how slow you run). I felt pretty comfortable thought the last 4-5 miles were tough because my shorts were chafing. It is amazing how much that affects my concentration. I give up trying to find a solution because I don't have the luxury of buying and testing 20 different bras and shorts. This week my schedule is:

Tuesday: 5 miles

Wednesday: 9 miles

Thursday: 5 miles

Saturday: 14 miles

The nine mile run felt pretty good today at a nine minute pace. I can tell my body is getting stronger. I am actually losing some weight now that my mileage has picked up. Bonus.

I took Jack to the Zoo with some friends on Monday morning. He had never been before and had a blast. The picture is from the sea lion tank. They were Jack's favorite. He would giggle every time they surfaced and blew water out. I can't wait to go back as a family soon. For easter, we are having a Good Friday dinner and worship service at church, an egg hunt on Saturday, and service on Sunday. I love meditating and focusing on what happened on the cross and the resurrection. We talked about Jesus' second coming in bible study today. I kept getting chills just thinking about what that is going to be like. We read a verse I had never heard today. It was Matthew 24:14-"And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come. " I didn't realize that before Jesus returns there will be an increase in the worldwide witness of the gospel. This is very interesting to me because a lot of people say we are in the end times, but I heard today that 4 billion people are still considered "unreached" with the gospel. We have some work to do! We concluded today that in the meantime, we should hold on to what lasts forever: God and people. We should strive to please God with our actions and serve others. I'd say that is a pretty good way to live until we see Jesus whether by death or the second coming.

Something else that has been on my mind lately is the world's prospective on conservatives and Christians. I feel like most people define Christians by what they DON'T do: drink, smoke, cuss, sex outside of marriage, abortion, etc... I have a problem with this because too many times when someone claiming to be a Christian does stumbles, it is really easy for non-christians to point to the finger and say, "Hypocrite! You broke one of your rules!" I believe our focus should be more on what we DO or should be doing: taking care of the poor, serving others, living like Jesus, befriending the friendless, being selfless and sacrificial, and basically reflecting God's love to everyone we have contact with. It makes sense that nothing but arrogance and pride will be gained from following a strict "Things-I-Don't-Do list." However if you are focused on what your actions, it should lead to humility and brokenness because we won't always get it right. I will be the first to say that Christians will screw up. That is why we need Jesus and the forgiveness he offers. Happy Easter, everyone!

Finally Registered

I took a break from blogging for Spring Break, but I am back now. We had a blast camping with Doug's parents and brother in Arkansas for three days. I actually missed a run but I don't feel that bad. It was good to rest. I didn't miss the long run last week which was 12 miles. I ran the first 9.65 at a 9 minute mile pace but then had to run the rest at 10 minute pace. Not too shabby.

This week might kill me though:

Tuesday: 4 miles

Wednesday: 9 miles

Thursday: 5 miles

Saturday: 18 miles

This long run is my second longest I will run before the marathon. Doug has a crazy schedule this weekend because he is playing at a Disciple Now, so the only time I will have to run is Saturday morning at 4 AM. I am excited to see how it goes. I am going to try some new things like pinning my Gu to my shorts and see how that works out.

Well, I officially registered for the marathon today. The website says there is only 32 days left!

On another note, Doug decided that he is not going to teach next year. I don't know what I think about this yet, I am still processing everything. Doug recently listened to a Chip Ingram podcast and Chip made the point that too many Christians today "hope" God shows up and does something huge instead of "expecting" God to show up. I am glad Doug shared this with me and I have been thinking about this a lot in light of our current situation.

What I do know is that Doug has the passion, the calling, the dream, the God-given talent, and the desire to serve God with his music vocationally. I don't think this is something that we should ignore or take lightly. It is easy for me to want Doug to settle and choose a career that is steady and practical, but rarely is the easy way the right way especially when following God's call. I feel blessed that I have a real man of God for a husband: a man who won't settle for less than what he was designed for and a man that abhors mediocrity and complacency. For the few that read this, please be in prayer for our family during this time.

Jack Interrupting

Sore, but happy

Saturday was my 15-miler. This is the longest distance I have ever run in my life. Wow. It feels weird to type that considering I have been running long distances for 10 years now. A quick description of the run: my lungs felt great and I definitely felt like I had a good endurance base built up to handle the distance. On the down side, this was my first run without the comforts of a high-end treadmill with good shocks, so my shins took a beating running on the pavement. I was sore the rest of the day Saturday and all day Sunday. Monday they felt a little better and I ran 4 miles today which actually seemed to relieve the soreness immensely. I don't even feel them anymore. There were some interesting moments like when I couldn't find a bathroom around mile four because the one I was counting on in a park was shut down. I was feeling really discouraged about that but then found a portable at a construction site so disaster averted! I have never been happier to see a port-a-potty in my life. Oh, and there was something in the air bothering me so I probably blew my nose into my shirt 2o times. Runners are so weird. But, I made it! Don't ask me my time because I gave up looking at my watch literally after the first mile (which was 8:40 in case you care) because looking down was too distracting. I was trying to push the pace as much as I could without killing my poor shins. This Saturday, I run 16 miles. I will probably run the same course. I am a creature of habit, what can I say. Here is my schedule for this week:

Tuesday: 4 miles

Wednesday: 8 miles

Thursday: 3 miles

Saturday: 16 miles

I didn't run with music for my long run because I love not being plugged in. It is huge for me that I actually listen to the radio now when I am driving. I am not by myself very often unless Jack is napping so running is my alone time. I am amazed how the right thoughts can make or break a workout for me. What kept me going during my difficult miles was thinking how good I was going to feel when I was done or how proud I would be to go home and tell Doug I had done it. I also thought about people I know personally who physically aren't able to run long distances and how even though I was hurting, they would trade places with me in a second. Today in my bible study, I looked at Philippians 4:8, "...whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable-if anything is excellent or praiseworthy-think about such things." My footnote in my bible for this verse says, "Paul understood the influence of ones thoughts on one's life. What people allow to occupy their minds will sooner or later determine their speech and action. The combination of virtues listed is sure to produce a wholesome thought pattern, which in turn will result in a life of moral and spiritual excellence."

This prompted me to think of the lovely in my life. I wrote in my book, "I see something lovely because when I look into the handsome, smiling face of my little boy, I see a glimpse of how much my God loves me." I posted this as my status update and I am sure some of my friends now think I have become sappy and corny. Here is a frame of reference for you for anyone I confused. It is so true though. Being a mother is a very lovely, honorable profession. I read in a book today to remember while you are child-rearing that your children are only on loan to you for a little while from God. This responsibility is huge and one of the most important ones ever given to us. Everyday is more than just surviving until nap time or bedtime; it is a blessing given to you by an Almighty God with the purpose of training and discipleing a generation of little ones who fear the Lord. I pray that my though life and my parenting align with what God's word says.

The 3 R's

My schedule for this week is:

Tuesday: 3 miles

Wednesday: 7 miles

Thursday: 4 miles

Saturday: 15 miles (yikes!)

My last long run was 10 miles last Saturday. I felt really good during the run and ran the first 9 at 9 min pace and the last mile at 8 minutes. I felt comfortable during the run and I think it helped that I was watching a really interesting show (Psych) and that I replaced water with Gatorade. This week I have run all runs at 9 min pace which I am thrilled about considering I ran my 7 miles after four hours of sleep. I think my 15 mile run this Saturday will be my first marathon training run that I don't run on the treadmill! I am going to miss having my fluids and Gu right at my fingertips, but I need to practice running with water breaks and pacing on my own.

The weather is finally getting warmer here!!! The news reported this week that Oklahoma has had the coldest Winter in 30 years! Jack and I went for a walk yesterday. It was great. He threw a fit and cried when I took him back inside. I know he is going to love it when we go camping in a couple of weeks for spring break. I hope he is a runner someday. Actually, as long as he never plays football, I just want him to be active. Sometimes, I feel like we should just chuck our TV. It makes our living room ugly anyways.

My sister called today and said she wanted to help me out with some of the costs associated with running the marathon so she offered to pay my entry fee! What a blessing. Now, I can buy new shoes when I need them without feeling bad. I love my sister. It is overwhelming when I think about how much new gear, all the special food (power bars, protein bars, Gu, Gatorade, etc.) entry fee, hotel room will cost in the end. Its almost like I should tell Doug he needs to get a second job to support my running habit. I thought running was supposed to be a cheap sport! And lets not talk about how badly I want a Garmin.

On a more positive note, Doug may be able to start building our night stands next week. He built a dresser right before Jack was born (it was supposed to be a changing table-long story) and he hasn't had time to build the other furniture yet. After the night stands, he is building a headboard and then I will actually have a matching bedroom set. I am sooooo excited. Maybe I will actually post some pictures on this blog when he is done.

Speaking of Doug, he is struggling right now with what to do about next year. He is having a pretty lousy time teaching right now. I guess we are both just seeking wisdom and guidance in this situation. My bible study for today talked about how to successfully gain wisdom. The three R's of wisdom are: Request it, Revere God, and Receive counsel. I love that the primary way to receive wisdom is to simply ask for it. You can't have something unless you ask for it, right? I love what James has to say about this concept: if any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask of God who gives generously to all without finding fault and it will be given to him. I think asking for wisdom requires a great deal of humbleness. I have to tell God that I don't know what to do on my own and that he knows better than I do.

I don't know if I am strange or what, but I love asking and receiving advice. If someone has gone before me and done it well, I want to know how they did it! I don't know if I have always been this way or it developed over time. I find myself asking others for advice a lot more now since I became a mom. Overall, I am glad I was able to study wisdom today of all days. I guess I will blog later with info about my 15 miler. I apologize for the drabness and lack of pics. I will renovate at some point.

America vs. Heaven

My little man is sleeping in today after a long night. It seems like this awfully long string of cold weather is not going too well for Jack or his other little friends. I am on hold with his doctor to see if they want me to bring him in. Poor baby.

I have felt so much better than last week. I had my 7 mile run yesterday and I felt strong. I ran at a nine minute pace the first six, then ran the last mile in 8 minutes. It was tough, but I feel like the better the quality of my workouts, the more comfortable I will be on race day.

I got some good news today: my little sister is officially a CPA! She has worked and studied so hard. I am truly proud of her; what an accomplishment. She joins her husband who became a CPA last year. I think it is funny how different we are sometimes. In a good way.

This morning, I got up late because I was up with a coughing Jack for a little bit last night.

I didn't have time for my whole four miles, but I managed to get in 3, so I don't feel that bad. I just have my 10-miler on Saturday and that is it for this week. I have started working on my abs because I still have weak mom belly. This should help strengthen my core and back so I have less cramping on my long runs. I need to focus more on stretching as well. My workouts have been so rushed lately, I have been letting that slide. I would love to have some arm weights to work out with too since I don't have time for weight training at the gym.

Yesterday was women's bible study at church. Our missionary friends are back for a short furlough and it was great seeing a dear friend that I haven't seen in three years. During a discussion she made an interesting point about focusing on things above. She described how easy it was to focus on heavenly things when her family is in the mission field because she sees real suffering, poverty, and lost souls daily. Heaven is easy to think of when it is the only thing that gives you hope in this world. However, in American it is hard to dwell on things above because living in America is so easy. America IS heaven when compared to other countries. I thought about how much truth was in that statement. It is so easy in this country to surround ourselves with things that bring peace and comfort: nice houses, healthcare, tons of food, new clothing, modern conveniences, gadgets, etc. Is is easy to forget that these things may be good but they are not what are going to be what matters in the end. They will never bring TRUE peace and comfort. They will let us down at some point. It was nice to get some outside perspective and wisdom. I am excited to spend some more time with her and her family before they leave us again to do God's work. What a great example to us all.

dead legs, dead puppy

I made it through my 13 mile run yesterday. Barely. Friday night, I was so exhausted that Doug insisted I take a late afternoon nap. I woke up at 5:3o after a three hour nap. I slept alright that night and felt good Saturday morning. I woke up without an alarm at about 7:30 and got to the gym at 9:00. My goal for that run was a nine minute mile pace. I had done this successfully last Saturday with my 12-miler. I had two bottles of water and two Gu packets so I was good to go. The first few miles went by without a hitch. I felt really relaxed and comfortable. Around, 6 miles, I could feel myself began to chafe pretty badly and I think that messed with my mental game. By the 8.5 mark I hit a wall and just felt done. I really really wanted to just call it a day and say, "close enough." I tried to focus because I was really frustrated at this point and dropped my pace to a 10:3o mile. At 9.5 miles, I wasn't feeling any better, so I did the unthinkable and started to walk which I never never do during a run. I kept telling myself that at the 1o mile mark I would run the last three miles but not push it. At mile 1o, I began at 10:30 pace and by mile 12, I was back to my original pace to finish the run. This was the hardest long run I have ever done. I feel disappointed that I couldn't keep pace and had to walk a half mile, but I am glad I finished. My time was right around 2:08 or a 9:50 mile pace. About 10 minutes slower than I wanted to go. I am trying to not be too discouraged though because I have two months of training to go and this week I wasn't feeling that great. I think I am going to switch from water to Gatorade on my long runs because that is what will be available on race day. That may help. I may need to reevaluate when I eat the Gu as well. On the plus side, I feel pretty good today. I am sore, but its not too bad. I am thinking about pushing the pace on my shorter runs this coming week. Here is my training schedule this week:

Tuesday: 3 miles

Wednesday: 7 miles

Thursday: 4 miles

Saturday: 10 miles

Well, yesterday Erin and I introduced ourselves to some of our neighbors. We got on the subject of the dogs in our area. A ton of owners let their dogs have free reign of the neighborhood during the day. Our neighbor informed us that people have been known to abandon dogs on our street that they need to get rid of. I had wondered why our area had so many strays. As I was walking home, I kid you not, I found a dead puppy at the end of our property line near the road. Most likely it was a dumped dog that died of starvation or lack of medical attention. I am going to call animal control on Monday to see what our options are for our neighborhood and to remove the puppy. I don't know why it shocks me when I see such a blatant disregard of personal responsibility.

Later that day, I went to Wal-Mart and while I was in the check-out line, a mother and a young daughter were caught shoplifting. I could empathize (not justify) with someone in this economy shoplifting necessities like groceries, but their cart was full of Hannah Montana clothing, electronics, and dog food. It just makes my heart heavy when I think of the direction our society is heading. The saddest part is that those that want to change their lives for the better are often looking in the wrong places. For example, this morning our pastor explained that humanistic psychology teaches the source of change is "you." YOU can change if you really want to, YOU can do anything if you reach your full potential, etc. Our pastor described a search he did on Amazon.com for self-help. Amazon came back with a list of 97,000+ products. The point: there are so many because not one will work! On your own you can't change anything about your heart. You can quit smoking and things like that out of sheer will-power, or even change your environment, but you cannot be truly transformed without the saving grace of Jesus Christ.

Another reason most will not know true transformation is the legalism of religion. This is a huge problem that is turning a ton of would-be believers away from the truth. You are not transformed if you hold on to an external facade (religion). Rules are good and govern action, but right behavior is the result of a changed heart, not the cause. Rules and regulations do not = true transformation. Now, our pastor posed a very interesting question: Doesn't salvation by grace (instead of works) mean I can keep on sinning and not change? I have heard this question asked before so I was very interested in what he had to say. The Answer: No change ignores the purpose of Salvation. Jesus saved us from our sins. Therefore, we should want to sin less! No change ignores the means of salvation. We died with Christ on the cross and also raised again into new life. Our life should look new and different. No change ignores the nature of grace. The goal of grace is to kill sin because sin separates us from God and God loves us and does not desire this for us. And lastly, no change ignores our identity with Christ. Unity with Christ=true transformation. Great great lesson. I was taking notes like crazy as you tell.

I don't mean for these blogs to be so long. I may post one just for fun tomorrow. I hope everyone has a blessed, transformed week!

A Rainbow and a Jesus Painting

So, today my alarm was set to 7 instead of 5! Those two extra hours felt great. However, my reason for sleeping in is not so great. Doug caught the stomach bug again for the second time in two weeks. I didn't have to get up before he left for work because he called in today. I feel bad for him and I suspect he didn't kick the bug because he doesn't get enough rest. Right now he is reading a Terry Pratchett novel wearing pajama pants and his Led Zeppelin shirt. Classic Doug.

I wake up and head to the car..wait...the van. I can't take the car because it has a flat. The car has really old tires. It is actually daylight and when I look up there is a rainbow in the sky. One of the perks of living where we do kinda out in the country, is the scenery. I was able to see both sides of the rainbow above our street. Another great start to my day. If I had gotten up at my regular time, I would have missed it. Thank you God for reminders of your promises and extra sleep! On the way to the gym for my 3 mile run that I should have run yesterday (I caught a mild form of the stomach bug and wasn't about to go running yesterday) the van began to overheat so I had to stop and buy coolant. The van is kinda special and leaks coolant slowly. My in-laws sold us the van and said they had gotten it fixed but it always seemed to still be a problem. Doug got paid today (thank you, Jesus) so I went ahead and filled up the tank as well. I was again reminded how blessed we are: I don't mind the quirks of driving older cars because by the grace of God we have never had a car payment. We actually love our cars. My '99 Plymouth that I bought in '02 has so many memories for us and has served us well. Sure it has a cracked windshield (thank you ice-storms of OK) and is in desperate need of a detail, but it gets us from point A to point B. Doug absolutely loves his van. He tells me constantly of all the family road trips we are going to take in that thing. It is great for hauling sound equipment too and sleeping in when we go camping.

I get to they gym and run an exhausting three miles. I have felt fatigued all week (thank you mother nature) and it was way too hot in the gym. I felt like I was running in an oven. My time was 27:10. I am trying not to psych myself about my long run tomorrow because I have to run the same distance plus 10 miles! I will be practicing some healthy self talk today after being inspired by my study this morning. I do not have a lot of raw running talent, so for me, running is 95% mental. I am starting to think you have to be mental to run a marathon.

Jack woke up around nine which is early for him. I started feeding him a healthy breakfast then I grabbed a handful of potato chips (which we never have in the house, I only bought them for our small group buddies) because I wanted something salty after my run. Jack spotted the chips and demanded I share. So his breakfast consisted of strawberries, Cherrios, and chips. Healthy. He is so observant already. I read him a few books and then sure enough, he was already sleepy because he got up too early. He is napping right now.

I need to call my beautiful neighbor, Erin soon. We are baking goodies for our other neighbors that we have never met. We both moved in around the same time and feel guilty about not doing this already. From observation and to put it nicely, a few of our neighbor's could use some Jesus in their lives. I love living so close to good friends. We have borrowed so many things from each other already: eggs, lawn mowers, grills, tow ropes (that is a fun story). Also, it is very convenient when Doug and Ben need their "special time" with each other.

Another note: last night about 7, we hear our doorbell ring. When I answer the door, no one is there but there is a very large painting resting against our house. I take it inside and discover it is a 3 ft. by 4 ft. painting of Jesus at the last supper. Doug took one look at it and I expected him to say something like, "Who the heck left that," but instead he says, "Why is Jesus blonde?" It was a very random experience. Come to find out, it was our friend, Daniel, who is known for very random experiences. We had a good visit with Daniel and fed the bachelor some "real" food as he called it. I love our friends. Oh, and if you want a huge painting of a blonde Jesus, let me know!

My new bible study is called Me, Myself, and Lies by Jennifer Rothschild. Jennifer speaks about how most women tend to have very negative thought lives and say things to themselves they would never to say to another person. In one of the exercises, I had to list some words that I thought described my identity. Then, I had to determine the nature of these words. Were they truthful, harsh, positive, etc.? Then I was prompted to read 1 Corinthians 15:10 and write what it says about my identity. My response was, "I am who I am by the grace of God." I ended the day with a prayer of gratefulness for God's grace that makes me who I am:

Thank you, Lord for blessing me with the responsibilities that come with my roles as a wife and mother. Thank you for the personality traits and my outlook on life that is unique to me. Only your grace gives me peace about my identity and who I am in your kingdom. I pray you would refine how I see myself and give me a glimpse of how YOU see me. I pray any negative thoughts or words I use to poison my thought life would diminish when I think on how much you love me just because you made me and I am yours. Guide my heart in this study so I may learn to become a more Godly, effective woman for Christ. In Jesus name I pray.

First Blog

I finally decided to start a blog. I guess my motivation to start one is to track my marathon training. I am not the best at journaling and should really be keeping a running diary. I figure it will be easier for me to keep track in this capacity than in a notebook. My other motivation (although hardly secondary) is to share what I am learning in my journey through God’s word. These past couple of years now, I have been attending a woman’s bible study led by my pastor’s wife. Jamy is a beautiful woman with an infectious passion for God’s word. I love what I have been learning about the riches of scripture and how they apply personally to my own life.

About me: First and foremost, I am a Christian. I have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ and this goes way deeper than mere “religion.” But, if you really must know, I am a member of a wonderful, healthy, growing Southern Baptist church. I serve in our AWANAS program and help guide 3 to 5 year olds in learning their first bible verses. I love Wednesdays. I accepted Christ into my heart when I was seven. I am blessed and will be forever grateful to have grown up in a Christian home. I married my high school sweetheart, Doug, on January 3^rd, 2004. My husband is THE most talented person I have ever known. It is almost annoying how many things he is excellent at. He is also the biggest dreamer I have ever met. Mainly, he is a singer/songwriter. His big dreams include supporting his family with his music someday. I pray this for him and our family everyday. Doug reminds me constantly that God gave him his talents, passions, and desires for a reason. His website is www.dwhurtmusic.com. Doug is currently serving in our contemporary worship service and in the college department. We welcomed our first child, Jack Danger (yes, Danger is REALLY his middle name) in May of 2008. Jack serves in the church nursery as the comic relief and worship leader =). His nickname is “Jabber-Jack.” I am a stay at home mom and I love everyday because I get to wake up to either a run or the sound of Jack singing in his bed waiting for me.

Running background: I joined cross- country my sophomore year at Ronald Reagan High School. I was silly and had no clue how to prepare for distance running, so the summer before, I forced myself to run 6 miles at 10 minute mile pace 6-7 times a week for essentially the entire summer. I have no clue how I didn’t injure myself. Needless to say, I had trained hard enough to easily make the varsity pack. Since that year (1999) I have always been a runner. My fastest cross-country time was 2 miles in 13:04, and track was 12:40. I always knew that someday I wanted to run a marathon.

Current running: I am now on week 6 of an 18 week training schedule for the Oklahoma City Memorial Marathon on April 25^th. This week the training is:

Tuesday: 3 miles

Wednesday: 6 miles

Thursday: 3 miles

Saturday: 13 miles

I have been running all runs at a 9-minute mile pace. I would love to finish the marathon in under 4 hours. TMI Alert: My biggest challenge so far is CHAFFING!!! I have major sports bra issues. I am talking about open-wound-cry-when-you-take-a-shower-issues. I am a “heavy” runner ( I do not mean this term to be self-deprecating: if you weigh over 145 pounds you can enter a special fat category at most marathons. For men, the category is the Clydesdale. For women, it is the Filly. Most distance runners are lean. I will say that I am in shape, but I not the stereotypical super thin runner.) Sports bras just aren’t designed for woman with shape. I usually have to buy an XL or XXL bra and still have major issues especially with longer runs. I don’t know how bustier or heavier women do anything athletic! I am only a C-cup with an athletic build and I know plenty of women larger than that. C’mon, Nike, work with me here. Before I get a lot of people telling me about specialty sports bras for larger women: I know they are out there. I also know that the last one I looked at cost 65 bucks. Do you know how many diapers that buys?! Another issue is that I have to be up and running before Doug heads to work which means setting the alarm to 5 AM. The exception is Saturdays when I do my long runs. Even then, I usually manage to get up and run for two hours to come home to Doug and Jack still sleeping. Another issue is finances. I still haven’t paid the entry fee of 100 bucks for the marathon because I can’t afford to yet. I am just hoping and praying it doesn’t fill up before I can pay. Also, good running gear can be expensive. As I mentioned before, I am a heavy distance runner and investing in well cushioned shoes with ample support is very important in preventing injury. Two years ago I was training for a half marathon that I never got to run because I hurt my knee running for too long on worn out shoes. I thought I couldn’t “afford” new shoes. I especially couldn’t afford the visit to the orthopedic sports specialists. And in my 10+ years of running experience, you get what you paid for in the shoe department. Another problem I face is my addiction to treadmill running. I have done all my training so far on the treadmill. The treadmill is safe, familiar, has less impact, and TV! I love how I can just set my pace and plug in my headphones. Plus, my water bottle and Gu is right at my fingertips. The weather in Oklahoma has been terrible the past couple of months, but I don’t think I am going to have the blizzard excuse for too much longer. I know I need more experience especially with my long runs in the Oklahoma wind.

Current study: I just finished up two weeks in Proverbs and Romans 12. I don’t know what is more humbling, reading about the Proverbs 31 woman or learning what Paul had to say about our role in the body of Christ, what humbleness and love look like as an action, and what a biblical response to our enemies should be.

I learned that Proverbs 31 is less of a description of a super hero and more of a call to have the right priorities. One of my favorite passages was 31:17-20 when it talks of her “opening her hands to the needy,” She is so so productive and busy, yet she makes time for things that matter, like giving to the poor. She doesn’t let the business of her day-to-day interfere with doing the things that really matter. I am guilty of having a mental checklist in my head that I want to accomplish. Usually it involves a run, followed by bible study, housework, Jack time, and dinner. I consider it a "good day" if I can say I accomplished everything. I am learning that this way of living tends to be shallow. Our pastor reminded us a couple weeks ago that our ministry should be to our family first. Here, we see the Proverbs 31 woman giving to those in need because she has already engaged in an effective ministry to her own household. Another verse I loved was v.25 when it talks of her “laughing at the days to come.” I don’t know how one woman can be so busy/productive and have so much to do and at the same time have no anxiety. Our tasks and responsibilities should not stress us out; the opposite should be true: our tasks (if done well) should give us a peace about the future. So many times, I am anxious about things on my to-do list. I need to have the right perspective: I do those things to decrease my stress.

One of the great truths I learned from my Romans 12 study was in verses 9-12. V. 12 says, “Be joyful in hope, patient in affliction…” the footnote in my bible says, “Enduring triumphantly-necessary for Christians because affliction is their inevitable experience.” Whoah!!! I love this stuff. God is molding us into the person that can best serve his kingdom when we go through affliction. It is our inevitable experience! God’s word rules. I think C.S. Lewis said it well (he says everything well) "Some people feel guilty about their anxieties and regard them as a defect of faith but they are afflictions, not sins. Like all afflictions, they are, if we can so take them, our share in the passion of Christ." I can’t wait to get started tomorrow morning on a new study called, “Me, Myself, and Lies.” Details to follow. I apologize for the length of this first entry. I don’t know if I will post everyday, but when I do, I will include info on my study and the run (if any) I did that day. My goal here is not to have a huge following as a blogger, but to have a better way to organize my thoughts and goals in the areas of spiritual and physical growth. Maybe I can share my experiences with someone who needs help or guidance in either area. Let me know what you think. I love comments and above all, I treasure prayers and advice. For now, be encouraged and know that you are loved.