Why I Stay at Home

disclaimer: this blog entry is a very personal subject matter to me, but I will never presume to tell another mother what her duty to her God and her family is. This is MY experience and these are MY convictions.

Some people KNOW what their calling in life is. For example, Doug knows he is supposed to write and sing music that glorifies God. I have friends who are missionaries. They know they were called to that country to reach those people with the gospel of Jesus Christ. Like them, I know I am called to be a stay at home mom. I have never attempted before to present the many reasons why I am so confident of my current vocation, but I will try.

I wanted to raise my child. From the start, I wanted him to know that he could depend on me to hold him when he cried, to change his diaper when he was dirty, to feed him when he was hungry, and to rock him to sleep when he was tired. There is a very short time window when a mother and child are bound this tightly and I am so grateful that during this time he was only bonding with me (alright, and Dad). I cannot fathom the idea of anyone else spending more time with my baby than me. I believe that God blessed me with the responsibility of guiding my children to be disciples of Christ. I think this would be a difficult task if I wasn't around Jack for the majority of his waking hours. I want to be there for him to read his bible stories, to tell him that Jesus loves him, to put him down for his nap with his praise music, and to make sure he hears me pray for him. I want to be the one to hold him when he is sick, to administer his medication, and to soothe him. I want to be the one to spank him, to teach him, to give him limits, and to disciple him. I didn't miss the milestones. I witnessed when he first held up his head, rolled over, clapped his hands, smiled, and took those precious first steps.

There are sacrifices. In our case, our most obvious sacrifices of having a one income household are the financial ones. Our savings is...wait...what savings? We do have a savings account, but it has taken a big hit and has yet to be replenished. There is very little retirement to speak of and no way of adding to it at this point. There are no vacations. We spend money we don't have just to buy gas to visit family in Texas, usually only during the holidays. Home improvements are nice ideas. The extras: it would be nice to go to the movies with my husband in a theatre more than once a year. It would also be nice to go to a sit down restaurant without feeling guilty or thinking, "I could've bought 2 packs of diapers for the cost of that one meal." It would be nice to give my husband a gift for his birthday, or Christmas, Valentine's Day, Father's Day, or our anniversary. No, we are not destitute or on the brink of foreclosure, but we decided long ago to be a debt free household and this is how tight we have to be at this point in our lives to make that work. I know this doesn't sound very glamorous, but I haven't discussed the benefits of being a stay at home mom.

The Benefits. First of all, my mental sanity was at stake when I was in the work force. I know most people aren't satisfied with their jobs and have aspects they don't like. I am not a rare exception, but I will say this: I experienced a new level of peace when I left all my previous jobs to stay home and fulfill my true calling. I almost felt like I was running from what God wanted me to do all along and when Jack finally arrived, I was in his will. I may be over spiritualizing the experience, but I truly felt peace when I left the traditional workforce.

My family's quality of life and overall health has never been better. When Jack is sleeping, I make an effort to be intentional with my time to catch up on cleaning, laundry, organizing, and meal planning. More importantly, I use that time for my personal bible study and prayer and to take care of myself physically by working out. This year, I had the time and energy to organize a new house, attend a bible study every Wednesday morning, lose weight, and train for and run a marathon. When I was in the workforce, I was usually working two jobs and I would come home from work just wanting to spend time with my husband. I rarely deep cleaned or had laundry caught up and we ate take out more than we cooked. Since I became a stay at home mom, I don't have the stress of trying to fit in housework and we eat the majority of our meals at home. As a result, Doug has lost 3o pounds, and I am down the baby weight plus 14 going on 20. Doug has also confessed to me how much he appreciates and how much lower his stress gets when he comes home to a house that is put together. As far as my personal spiritual growth goes: I have never dived this deep into scripture before. Having the time for in-depth study of words that are God breathed is so refreshing and encouraging. Falling more in love with my saviour is the biggest perk of staying at home. I also have more time and opportunities to serve others as a stay at home mom. I am blessed to serve people now that I never would be able to if I was tied down to a traditional job. As far as Jack's health goes, the kid rarely eats fast food because we rarely do. Also, one of the many reasons why I love my son so much is he is an amazing sleeper. He typically sleeps 12 solid hours at night and still takes a 2-4 hour nap during the day. On Wednesday and Sunday mornings when we go to church, I literally have to wake him up every time. I can't imagine how exhausted he would be if I had to wake him up 6 days a week. I don't worry as much about his exposure to germs either because he is only exposed to other children in the church nursery or on play dates. Jack is a super healthy little boy and I have no way of knowing how he would be if he was in daycare all day. Another perk to staying at home that I don't want to downplay in any way is seeing God work. There are many many stories of God's provision and timing being perfect. From the deal we got on our house, to anonymous gifts from faithful stewards, our God has supplied all our needs.

Another benefit that is so important is perspective. Let's take a look at all those so called sacrifices. First, we sacrifice by having a low savings account. So what?? My missionary friend once told me that they used to love having a large savings account until they were convicted of all the things they could be using the money on to further the kingdom of God. One of my favorite people, Jen Hatmaker, says she is fed up with Christians having money "for emergencies" and that it should be an emergency if you see someone starving. Jen also points out that almost all Americans are in the top 4% of the wealthiest people on earth. Not having a lot of money has forced us to think and pray hard about what we do with the money we do have. It also leaves us dependent on God and his provision. When I start to get discouraged about our finances, I tell myself that God must really love me if he wants me to be this close him. Since we never take real vacations, we have learned to find joy and contentment with just leaving Shawnee. I know that sounds silly, but we get really excited just to drive to Oklahoma City and go to Guitar Center and eat Chick-Fil-A. Sometimes we splurge and drive to Pop's on Route 66. Trips to the zoo, aquariums, museums, and movies are so rare that they are special every time. I will admit that it is harder for me not to buy gifts for Doug on special occasions than to not receive them myself. This makes me especially grateful for the other friends and family members in Doug's life that are at a place where they can spoil him more than I can. It also makes me more aware of how I am showing Doug love daily so I don't feel I have to compensate with a gift later on in the year (I am definitely still growing in this area).

The conclusion

Upon reflection, it is interesting to me that all the "sacrifices" are material and all the benefits are immaterial. It is really convicting for me to see in text what I thought was most important just 2 short years ago. I heard something once that has become very real to me, "if you could do it on your own, it wouldn't require faith." I don't think I would ever want to be in a point in my life where I am living without faith. Sure, I could go back to work tomorrow if I wanted to and then maybe I could buy Doug Guitar Hero for his birthday or we could install hardwood floors or go on a cruise for our anniversary. But Ultimately I am not responsible to God for how comfortable my family is or how nice our vacations were. But I will be responsible one day for what I did daily to live for Christ and serve others. I believe; I know I serve my God and my family and others best by staying at home.

Race Report

I did it! I completed my first marathon. It was a great experience and I fully intend to run another one someday. My official time was 4:13:53 which is an average pace of 9:41 per mile. I placed 227 out of the 1,057 women who completed the race and 858 out of the 2,630 people who ran total. In all the events combined there were about 24,000 runners! The majority of the runners were running the half or the relay. I missed placing in my division by 2 minutes, so I got fourth out of the Fillies. 84 women entered in my division. The average marathon time was 4:42.

Now that the boring stuff is covered, on to the recap: Doug and I arrived in Oklahoma City after leaving Jack in Shawnee with Aunt Tammy and Uncle Jonathan. I wouldn't see him again until the finish line. Our first stop was the expo center where I picked up my timing chip and shirt. Upon leaving the expo center, Doug commented, "I felt fat in there!" After that, I needed to complete my carbo-loading by finding an Italian restaurant, so I called Zio's and asked what the wait was. 2 1/2 hours! No way. So, we went to Olive Garden where there was a 45 minute wait. I told Doug, "the marathon gods must be smiling on me today...wait, it's probably the real God." Our waiter was special and when he found out I was running the marathon, he told us stories about his 18 hour hike in the Grand Canyon and running the mile in the marines in 4:45 and then throwing up. Thanks for sharing, now bring me more bread sticks.

After our dinner we checked into our hotel and I tried to go to sleep around 10. I tossed and turned all night until we got up at 3AM. I know excitement and nervousness got me to the start. After our shuttle dropped us off, we went to First Church near the memorial because they serve a pancake breakfast before the run every year to the marathoners. This is a neat ministry for the church because they can't have services on race day because the route is right outside the church and the road is closed. The volunteers who serve on Sunday have to camp in the church the night before. I ate a Powerbar and Doug mooched the free pancakes and sausage on my behalf.

After awhile we headed to the start. I easily found my pacers as they were holding up yellow balloons with "4:15" written on them. That is the time I wanted to finish in. The announcer was talking about some crazy person who just set a world record by running 600+ miles on the treadmill this week and was running the half marathon with us. Weirdo. Miss America from OK, Lauren Nelson, sang the National Anthem and then we were off. My pacers were amazing from the start. Their names were Ken and Kathryn. This was Kathyrn's 113th marathon! I totally made the right decision following the pacers because I am notorious for starting out too fast. The first 20 miles were almost easy. I was able to talk to the pacers and make comments about the run like, "is there a point to putting on deodorant before a marathon?" The wind really picked up along Lake Hefner at which time Ken and Kathryn told us to run behind them and draft. After we turned to head back, the wind was at our backs.

Some of the highlights on the course was a man yelling, "today you are going to finish a marathon!" It was really great hearing that. Hitting the half way mark was great as well because there was a big banner which read: "You are absolutely half way there." I felt so good at that point. My favorite part of the whole race (besides finishing) was the Gorilla mile. Some nut job that lived in one of the neighborhoods on the course had taped a huge banner across the road that said "Gorilla Mile." The home owner had one of those huge inflatable gorillas that you might see at a car dealership taking up his entire front lawn. If that weren't random enough, there was a sign next to the Gorilla that said, "We have the biggest banana!" Next to the sign was the home owner, dressed in a banana costume dancing and cheering for the runners. I was laughing out loud. My favorite posters of the day included any one that had scripture on it, the one that said, "Go________. You are my hero," and "That's not sweat, it's your fat cells crying!" There was a ton of crowd support along the way.

After mile 20, I was still feeling pretty good so I decided to try to pull away from my pace group. Looking back I probably should have stayed with them a little longer. I ran the last 6 miles by myself. It was hard to stay motivated alone because each mile was harder and harder than the last. It didn't help that on mile 24 (I think) there was a steep hill that was difficult and someone had a sign that read, "make this hill your B-word." Except it didn't say "B-word." After seeing several verses throughout the day, seeing the profanity just annoyed and frustrated me.

It seemed like mile 25 was soooo long. After that point I kept thinking,"one more mile, one more mile, one more mile." The last mile was brutal because it was so curvy you couldn't actually see the finish line. FINALLY, someone yelled, "two stop signs and a right turn and you will see the finish!" I rounded that corner and saw the crowd before I saw the finish line. A little bit further and I saw the finish. I made myself pick up the pace a little because I just wanted to stop running so badly. I felt like I was running in slow motion because I had my eyes glued to the finish and picked up my pace but it didn't feel like I was going anywhere. When I told Doug this later, he said, "like that scene in Monty Python and the Holy Grail?" Yes, it was exactly like the scene before they storm the castle. Classic. Near the end, my buddy, Kimberly, stepped out where I could see her and cheered me on. I am so glad my friends were waiting for me.

I finally crossed the finish line and started walking. I can't begin to describe how disoriented I was. A few times I lost my balance and nearly fell over. I grabbed my medal and some food, water and Gatorade, and my finisher's shirt. The first person I saw was my friend Eric, who snapped a picture of me holding my medal and my friend, Erin. I didn't see Doug or Jack for probably 15 minutes as they made their way towards me in the crowd. Doug gave me a big hug (now that's unconditional love right there) and Jack threw a tantrum because we wouldn't let him walk around. Nice. Missed you too, baby boy.

Kim and Mark decided to give us a ride back to the hotel. Before I got in the car, my friends presented me with a trophy! The inscription said: "Super Overachiever Award! Presented to Lori Hurt April 25th, 2010. We are so Proud of You!. DEAJTKMBEAJJJJ." The initials stand for Doug, Eric, Ashley, John, Tasha, Kim, Mark, Ben, Erin, Andrew, John Blake, Jenna, James, and Jack. I was so surprised and touched. My friends love me and I love them.

Overall, I had a great first marathon experience. I don't know when I will be able to run another so this high will have to last me for awhile. I forgot to mention that I ran the race in honor of my friend, Matt Garcia. I ran cross country with Matt in high school in San Antonio. After high school, Matt continued to run long distances, but about 2 years ago he had a stomach virus that basically attacked his body and he was paralyzed. He still is in physical therapy and last I heard, he can stand up on his own but he is still not walking without help. Here is a dude that has every reason to be bitter and mad at life and God, but chooses to have a positive outlook on his situation and is searching for what God is trying to show him through this time. There is so much that I take for granted everyday. April 25th, 2010 I was very aware how blessed I was. I was blessed to be supported by friends and family who loved me, I was blessed to be alive and healthy and running, and blessed above all to be a child of God and therefore I have meaning and purpose in this life even when crazy people decide to bomb buildings and innocent people die. Sometimes it is very easy to get caught up in the day-to-day busyness and forget that we are ultimately responsible to God for what we do with the time we are given. Being finite, we have no idea how much time we have; a car accident, a disease, or an act of terrorism could take us without warning. The memorial marathon is called "the race to remember." I don't think I will ever forget this day.

20 miles with my new Garmin

That's right. I am now the proud owner of a 205 Forerunner Garmin. How did I acquire this highly coveted gadget? The answer is simple: I have been blessed with the most thoughtful awesome friends ever! Our small group buddies all chipped in and bought it for me. I was genuinely surprised and touched. So, guess what I did on Saturday? I strapped on my Garmin for it's maiden voyage; my 20 mile training run. Here is an account how that run went down.

First, my super helpful and gadget savvy brother-in-law helped me map out a 20 mile course which was essentially a 4 mile course that I ran 5 times. The trick was having a course that had sidewalks because some of the route was on busy roads. Second, my little sister was the hero of the day and rode her bike ahead of me the entire run handing me my Gatorade and water as needed. So, we started out. The weather was absolutely gorgeous. It never got too hot and there was just enough wind to provide a nice cool breeze without making progress difficult. Part of the course wound it's way past a stadium where a middle school track meet was in progress. At one point, when we went by, the crowd was cheering loudly at the runners on the track. Tammy turned around and said, "Listen, Lori! They are cheering for you!" My first several miles, I felt great. I hit 13 miles around 2:03 which was exciting.

However, after that, it was harder and harder for me to keep the pace. At mile 16 I actually stopped for a few seconds and may have yelled in exasperation. I guess I hit "the wall." I was determined to make 20 miles though so I forced myself to chill out (I was pretty much freaking out because I was so frustrated) and started moving again. I told myself, "once you hit 18 miles, you will feel great because that is the longest you have ever run." Well, at 18 miles I wanted to just stop. The last 4 miles were so long. I was done. I had no energy. I had done well with the fluid and gel intake so I couldn't understand why it was so hard to finish. At 19.5 miles, I stopped again. Tammy asked, "Are you done?" I had to admit that I still had 1/2 mile to go. She looked at me funny like, "Why did you stop then?" The truth was I couldn't go another step. However, I HAD to get my 20 miles in. I wanted to see that number on my Garmin so badly. I kept thinking about the friends who had bought it for me and they were going to ask how my 20 mile run went and I wanted to give them a good report instead of telling them I didn't finish it. So, I forced my legs to move again and somehow finished that half mile. 20 miles...done! It took 3 hours and 16 minutes.

Doug helped me view my stats later and we discovered that I had an average pace of 9:49 per mile. From peeking at my Garmin, I knew I ran the last 2 miles around 11:30 per mile, so what I learned was that I started out way too fast. Even though I felt great most of the run, 20 miles and later 26.2 is a long way too run and I need to respect the distance. I need to force myself to slow down because what feels great at mile 10 will probably be grueling after mile 20. I think I will try to follow a pacer to make sure I don't do anything crazy in the first few miles. I know I just want to finish the marathon, but the competitor in me wants to finish well. I also feel pressure to do well because I don't know when I will be able to train and compete in a marathon again. My schedule this week begins my taper:

Tuesday: 4 miles

Wednesday: 6 miles

Thursday: 3 miles

Saturday: 8 miles.

I have been pretty sore, from the long run, but this week and next week are light and I should feel refreshed on race day. I told Doug that training for a marathon is like being pregnant: you wait and wait for so long and it seems like the big day will NEVER come. In my case, it really didn't come because Jack was nine days late. I am not saying that receiving my finishers medal will be as significant as holding a new baby, but it is going to be a day I will never forget, I am sure. It will be surreal to be done but I am looking forward for the race and of course, taking it easy for a few weeks afterwards. Please pray for peace for my nerves and for NO WIND!

Training Goof!!!!

So, just 17 days before the marathon, I realized I am a whole week off in my training! I must have counted the weeks wrong when I looked at my training schedule. Now I have to decide if I should cut out the harder or the easier of the two weeks before the marathon. My schedule this week has me running my 20-miler this Saturday, which I will do for sure, but I am not sure what to do next week. I plan on getting plenty of rest the week of the marathon, so I might just go ahead and do the harder week next week since my body has felt great on the long runs. I ran 14.4 miles last Saturday at a 9:20 mile pace. The weather was gorgeous, I had new shoes so I was feeling pretty good. Oklahoma is making me really really nervous right now: the wind has been horrible, horrible, horrible. I am literally praying the wind away for race day. It is the only aspect dampening my spirits when I think of race day. My schedule this week is:

Tuesday: 5 miles

Wednesday: 10 miles

Thursday: 5 miles

Saturday: 20 miles

The 20 mile run will be very interesting considering I will be in Dallas/Fort Worth staying with my sister. At least I know I will have a babysitter. And I may (gasp) run on a treadmill because I won't have time to map out a 20 mile course. If only I had a Garmin.

So, Easter was awesome! I love love love our church. The music was so powerful and the message was right on. My favorite part of the message was when the pastor spoke on the logic of the Christian faith: if the writers of the gospels made up a bunch of stories with the goal of converting people and making up a new religion why are the stories (like the virgin birth and the resurrection from the grave) so hard to believe? If you wanted to trick people, at least make up stories people wouldn't question. Also, at the time the gospels were written, there were still eye witnesses alive who were at the cross and who saw Jesus after he rose. If the stories were fabricated, it would have been very easy for the eye witnesses to come forward and say, "Hey! I was there and that is not what happened!" BUT, there is no account of anyone doing so. As the Apostle Peter says, "We did not follow cleverly invented stories when we told you about the power and coming of our Lord Jesus Christ, but we were eyewitnesses of his majesty" (2 Peter 1:16)

18 miles...done!

I did it. Saturday I ran the farthest I have ever run in my whole life. I had a small hitch in my plans, however, because I was supposed to get up early and that just didn't work out. I tried to open the front door at 4AM to see what the weather was like, and the wind was so strong I had to fight just to get out of the house. I made the decision to run later in the day on the treadmill. I did this for a couple of reasons: I could have just sucked it up and gone for the run despite the 30 mph winds with 50 mph gusts BUT I wouldn't have finished my run in time and made Doug late for his gig. Also, the workout would have been miserable and I wanted a good quality 18 mile run. This run and the 20-miler I will run next week are very important training runs and I wanted them to be good ones. So, my gracious friends watched Jack for over three hours while I went to the gym and ran 18 miles at a 10 minute pace on the treadmill. It took me exactly three hours.

I have been training at 9 minute pace so 10 minute pace almost felt easy (well, until you get past 12, then everything just gets sore no matter how slow you run). I felt pretty comfortable thought the last 4-5 miles were tough because my shorts were chafing. It is amazing how much that affects my concentration. I give up trying to find a solution because I don't have the luxury of buying and testing 20 different bras and shorts. This week my schedule is:

Tuesday: 5 miles

Wednesday: 9 miles

Thursday: 5 miles

Saturday: 14 miles

The nine mile run felt pretty good today at a nine minute pace. I can tell my body is getting stronger. I am actually losing some weight now that my mileage has picked up. Bonus.

I took Jack to the Zoo with some friends on Monday morning. He had never been before and had a blast. The picture is from the sea lion tank. They were Jack's favorite. He would giggle every time they surfaced and blew water out. I can't wait to go back as a family soon. For easter, we are having a Good Friday dinner and worship service at church, an egg hunt on Saturday, and service on Sunday. I love meditating and focusing on what happened on the cross and the resurrection. We talked about Jesus' second coming in bible study today. I kept getting chills just thinking about what that is going to be like. We read a verse I had never heard today. It was Matthew 24:14-"And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come. " I didn't realize that before Jesus returns there will be an increase in the worldwide witness of the gospel. This is very interesting to me because a lot of people say we are in the end times, but I heard today that 4 billion people are still considered "unreached" with the gospel. We have some work to do! We concluded today that in the meantime, we should hold on to what lasts forever: God and people. We should strive to please God with our actions and serve others. I'd say that is a pretty good way to live until we see Jesus whether by death or the second coming.

Something else that has been on my mind lately is the world's prospective on conservatives and Christians. I feel like most people define Christians by what they DON'T do: drink, smoke, cuss, sex outside of marriage, abortion, etc... I have a problem with this because too many times when someone claiming to be a Christian does stumbles, it is really easy for non-christians to point to the finger and say, "Hypocrite! You broke one of your rules!" I believe our focus should be more on what we DO or should be doing: taking care of the poor, serving others, living like Jesus, befriending the friendless, being selfless and sacrificial, and basically reflecting God's love to everyone we have contact with. It makes sense that nothing but arrogance and pride will be gained from following a strict "Things-I-Don't-Do list." However if you are focused on what your actions, it should lead to humility and brokenness because we won't always get it right. I will be the first to say that Christians will screw up. That is why we need Jesus and the forgiveness he offers. Happy Easter, everyone!

Finally Registered

I took a break from blogging for Spring Break, but I am back now. We had a blast camping with Doug's parents and brother in Arkansas for three days. I actually missed a run but I don't feel that bad. It was good to rest. I didn't miss the long run last week which was 12 miles. I ran the first 9.65 at a 9 minute mile pace but then had to run the rest at 10 minute pace. Not too shabby.

This week might kill me though:

Tuesday: 4 miles

Wednesday: 9 miles

Thursday: 5 miles

Saturday: 18 miles

This long run is my second longest I will run before the marathon. Doug has a crazy schedule this weekend because he is playing at a Disciple Now, so the only time I will have to run is Saturday morning at 4 AM. I am excited to see how it goes. I am going to try some new things like pinning my Gu to my shorts and see how that works out.

Well, I officially registered for the marathon today. The website says there is only 32 days left!

On another note, Doug decided that he is not going to teach next year. I don't know what I think about this yet, I am still processing everything. Doug recently listened to a Chip Ingram podcast and Chip made the point that too many Christians today "hope" God shows up and does something huge instead of "expecting" God to show up. I am glad Doug shared this with me and I have been thinking about this a lot in light of our current situation.

What I do know is that Doug has the passion, the calling, the dream, the God-given talent, and the desire to serve God with his music vocationally. I don't think this is something that we should ignore or take lightly. It is easy for me to want Doug to settle and choose a career that is steady and practical, but rarely is the easy way the right way especially when following God's call. I feel blessed that I have a real man of God for a husband: a man who won't settle for less than what he was designed for and a man that abhors mediocrity and complacency. For the few that read this, please be in prayer for our family during this time.

Jack Interrupting